Mi corazón Mexicano

I can't believe it's the last day in México. I'm so happy and so tired and so sad. People keep asking me, "How will this trip affect you?" I can't think of a less answerable question. I was trying to describe to someone how, several years ago, I got so interested in Mexican music & culture, how it was so spontaneous and sudden, why I sought it out when it was not presented to me. But there's no justifying or explaining things when you fall in love, is there?

I found that my love for this country is overwhelming and completely inexplicable. The music, culture, everything; I tried quantifying it or pinning it down, but I couldn't; after all, I have a wonderful culture of my own, in my own family. It almost doesn't make sense. "It's okay," said a friend, after seeing my frustration. "I understand. It's just that your heart is Mexican." And so it is.

I know this trip is mostly academic in nature, but the implications of it stretch far beyond what I will teach my students in the next few months or years. I have had so many experiences here that have already and will continue to change my whole life; alter my perspectives, create new interests. It will affect the rest of my life and I think everyone in our group can say the same thing. I don't want this to end. I don't want to say goodbye to everyone, I don't want to leave here but I will, tearfully, and I will take all my experiences with me and some of me will be left here, in México.

This essay also appears here.